The dos and don’ts when dealing with a pregnant woman...
After going through my first pregnancy as a single mum, this
time around I was convinced that it would be much easier with support from my
hubby and all the extra family. Little did I know that doing it alone was
actually easier! Less opinions and more rest. After 9 long months I sit here 39
weeks pregnant and think about all the advice I wish people around me had known...
Things not to do
Try and “suggest”
someone gives birth at a time to suit you...
You may think this is just common sense but it seems that a
lot of people really don’t get the idea that a baby will arrive when it is
ready. Regardless of your big weekend planned around the due date or the fact
that you’re really busy on Fridays, the baby will not wait. So hassling the
poor pregnant mother about when she is allowed to give birth will not only
irritate an already stressed out woman but guarantee you end up on outer when
the baby actually comes.
Make negative comments
on the chosen name
There will never be a name that everyone approves of but if
you are one of the lucky few that is privileged enough to find out the chosen
name early you should never make negative comments. Ever. You are not being
asked your opinion, you are being let into a trusted group and you should act
accordingly. Smile, nod and tell the
parents how lovely the name is that they have chosen for their child.
Make the baby
shower/nursery about you
One of the funnest things about being pregnant is getting to
decorate the nursery. Pregnant women spend so much time and energy creating
this beautiful space for the new baby to sleep in. So if you have an opinion
that isn’t in the ball park of “it looks fantastic” then keep it to yourself.
Pregnant mums don’t want to know that you think there is too much pink or that
the play mat is a waste of money. Same goes for a baby shower. If a pregnant
mum is specific about what she wants there, stick to it! After all, she is the
one who is going through the pain and sleepless nights carrying the baby;
surely it isn’t hard to just put her needs first for one day!
Expect her to either
come places or stay home alone
Some women get terribly sick during pregnancy, some just a
little and some not at all. Either way, pregnancy is a tiring and life
consuming thing to go through. It may be true that the world doesn’t stop just
because someone is pregnant but sometimes the small and close world of family
should. So when poor pregnant mum has been up most of the night with her head in
a bucket, expecting her to still go to the family BBQ the next day is not good
form. Nor is suggesting that if she doesn’t feel well enough she should just
stay home alone. The right thing to do
is suggest that she stays home to rest and you will be right by her side to
empty her bucket and rub her feet.
Comment on weight gain
Another point you would assume would be common sense but
unfortunately not. People seem to think that as soon as someone announces their
pregnancy, they become open targets for any opinions someone might have. So
telling a pregnant mum she looks like she swallowed a beach ball or commenting
on how hard the weight will be to lose every time she puts something other than
fruit and veg in her mouth will only come back to bite you later. She may laugh
it off once but eventually, if she is smart she will begin to point out some of
your flaws. Majority of the time a pregnant woman is already struggling to
accommodate her new found fuller figure so unless you are planning on gushing
over her with lots of lovely comments its best to keep your mouth shut.
Things to do
Help with housework
Even a pregnant woman wants to feel pride in her home and
her surroundings. So instead of telling her to just leave the housework and rest,
try helping her do it. Even just a quick tidy up of the lounge room and
clearing off that pile of dirty dishes is going to be more appreciated than you
could realise. So instead of cancelling a visit when pregnant mum is
embarrassed at the state of the house, come over and bring your washing up
gloves!
Help with babysitting
Kids are hard work. It’s well known to everyone, regardless
if you have children or not. So to an already totally exhausted and sleep
deprived pregnant woman, the idea of having to spend the day amusing her 2 year
old in between bouts of nausea and cramps is a nightmare. The best form of
sympathy you can show is taking said child off her hands for a few hours.
Enough time for her to have a shower and a nap and recoup some of her energy.
Be there to listen
For anyone that isn’t pregnant, listening to all the ins and
outs of how terrible it can be is hard. But if it’s hard for you to hear,
imagine living it. Yes some of the symptoms are boring and some are downright
gross but if you are supposed to be part of a pregnant woman’s support network
then you need to suck it up. Let her know that she has someone to talk to
whenever she needs to no matter how many times you have to hear the same stuff.
Organise outings that
everyone can enjoy
Your average person wouldn’t be too concerned to have
another Saturday night on the lounge watching bad movies, but when you have
been doing this for months on end it’s a different story. Rather than ringing
your pregnant friend every Monday with tales of your wild adventures over the
weekend or even worse sending that Saturday night text of “I wish you were
here!” try organising activities and outings that pregnancy doesn’t rule out.
Sure the dinner reservations might need to be earlier to accommodate an 8pm
bedtime and the wild night of dancing will need to wait until bladder control
is once more an easy bodily function but it’s important to still make her feel
part of society.
Make her feel special
This is the most important thing anyone can do for a
pregnant woman. With the hormones raging and the body image starting to change,
it only takes a small negative to send a pregnant woman into a downward spiral.
BUT with just a small token of appreciation or kindness from everyone around
her she will have enough positivity surrounding her to cope, even when things
are at there worst. From a compliment to a bunch of flowers, everyone that has
any contact with a pregnant woman should make a point to do as much as they can
to make her feel good about herself and the wonderful job she is doing creating
life inside her body.
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