Just wait...

After a pregnancy spent fending off stupid comments and questions from people I was excited to finally have my baby in my arms and finally have an end to other people scrutinising my life. Little did I know that the stupidity doesn’t stop there...

“Just wait till....”

This is the line people use whenever they feel the need to drag something positive down. The worst thing is it’s usually a topic they have initiated. They ask the question hoping for a negative response and when they don’t get it they just make their own.

 Example 1:

Stupid person: So how does your son feel about the baby?

Me: He adores her!

Stupid person: Oh...well just wait until blah blah blah and he won’t for long!

Example 2

Stupid person: How is life with no sleep?

Me: Actually bubs is a great sleeper!

Stupid person: Just wait until this, that and the other happens and you will be up all night!

I don’t understand why people can’t just be happy to see that someone else is enjoying having a newborn. Things don’t always have to be difficult!

Emotional vs. Physical

Having hubby home for two weeks after the birth of my daughter has left me wondering, is it better to receive emotional support or physical support. Or does it need to be a combination of both?

Although I have felt totally thankful that hubby has taken on the chores of the house there have definitely been times when I have felt like I would much rather a cuddle and being told I’m doing a good job. Clean plates are great but is it at the expense of my emotional health?

Maybe I’m looking for the wrong type of support from the wrong person?  Should I be relying on hubby to provide it all or should I be spreading the neediness around?

In this time of fluctuating hormones and getting used to new routines it’s almost impossible to make a rational decision and stick to it so it’s almost impossible to know what I need at any given time from any given person.

So for now I will enjoy having clean plates and clothes and hope that the cuddles will come when needed and thank my lucky stars that both hubby and I are happy with just two kids so I never have to go through this again! 

Why can’t us mums give ourselves a break?

After giving birth to my daughter only a week ago I found myself feeling guilty watching my hubby cleaning and cooking while I rested. Why is this? During a long and very hard pregnancy I spent my days looking after a house and a 3 year old in between vomiting and nights at hospital getting rehydrated through a drip. So why is it that after all that AND giving birth I still can’t let myself relax?

I hear so many mums talking about how exhausted they are and majority of responses are always negative. And the sad part is a lot of the negative responses are from other mums. Are we so concerned with trying to be super mums that we happily put other mums down instead of supporting them? Through the course of my pregnancy I was asked so many times why I hadn’t stayed at work and it seemed no matter how sick I was it was still not a good enough reason for everyone else. I even had people comparing me to others and suggesting that I wasn’t as sick as I thought and it was all in my head.

I really believe that society makes us feel like being a stay at home mum is just a day spent watching TV and eating tim tams. It is the most under acknowledged job that anyone can do and yet it is the hardest job by far. We don’t get paid by the hour, nor do we get specified lunch breaks and overtime. We work 24/7 and just hope that we will get a spare moment to eat during the day. We don’t get extra benefits for being on call all night, unless you call sleep deprivation a benefit. We are the backbones of a household yet when we need to take time out for ourselves we are deemed to be spoiling ourselves.

Same goes for the working mums. It’s not an easy decision to go back to work. And the working day isn’t 9 till 5. There is still another job waiting for you when you get home exhausted. If you’re not copping it for going back to work to soon you will be made to feel lazy for not being back at work soon enough.

I really hope that the day comes when mums will be acknowledged for the huge amount of work we do and instead of being classed as bludgers we will be treated as precious as we are.

2nd Time around...

Over the past 3 years I seem to have lost some huge chunks from my memory about what it entails to look after a newborn. Bust reality has hit...and hard!

The first thing I noticed was the cramping. Pain so intense it was like having contractions all over again. I couldn’t remember having these with bub number one and was told that generally they only start with your 2^nd. How lovely, another little present to add to the rest. They pop up constantly all day and night but are most painful while breastfeeding. This leads me to the next failed memory.

My last memory of breastfeeding was having the ability to whack my son on and give him a feed as easy as pie. What I had forgotten about was the months of work it took to get to that point. The weeks of teaching bubs how to attach and detach without ripping nipples off, the cracks and bleeding and milk spraying everywhere but into bubs mouth. Im dealing with an amount of milk that would feed every child in the neighbourhood and allows my baby to lay under it like a waterfall and lap it up like a cat. Not so great for teaching her how to latch on.

While we are talking feeding I had totally forgotten how long it takes to feed and how often they need to happen. Turns out that life is now revolving around feed times. Every outing is planned for no longer than a 2 hour time frame to avoid above milk spraying sessions in public. I am once again learning that food is still edible even if it is stone cold and eating while feeding results in a headful of crumbs for the baby.

I have also rediscovered that whilst I have time away from being a milk machine that time needs to be used to do washing. So much washing! And everything is stained in poop or vomit. The noises and explosions that come from such a small child are indescribable and the damage caused is there for all to see and smell.

One of the most frustrating things I had forgotten about (or possibly blocked out of my memory) is the unwanted advice and opinions. Seems that although I managed to raise one baby I no longer have the adequate skills or knowledge to do the same thing with the 2^nd bub. My parenting skills are now up for public dissection and everyone feels they are qualified to offer their advice. I now must be the frazzled mum with a newborn and anything less means I’m not doing my job correctly. If I don’t look tired enough I must not be feeding enough during the night, if my baby is content and not crying 24/7 there must be a problem.  And the worst thing is that most of the time the people offering the advice haven’t laid eyes on a newborn in over 20 years. Guess their memories must be a lot sharper than mine!